


Searching where the leaves don't grow

by Aquajax



Series: Lapidot Human AU's [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, F/M, Fear of Abandonment, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Canonical Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Social Anxiety, steven is best boi, steven is pure, will add tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-08-22 20:39:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquajax/pseuds/Aquajax
Summary: She was relatively slim, with smooth tan skin and silky, perfectly messy dyed blue hair that fluttered over her forehead in waves. She had on a pastel blue NASA sweater that made Peridot basically drool like the nerd she was, and the slim black jeans were not working in her favor either.Peridot decided it would be much harder to focus on her studying while in the proximity of this mystery girl, so she gathered up her things and started walking....Right into the girl she had been staring at.~~~~~Despite being on the swim team and living in a dorm with her girlfriend, Lapis Lazuli is a lonely, depressed, flirty college junior recovering from PTSD. Her girlfriend is distant and manipulative, her demons haunt her daily, and her only glimmer of light is an optimistic middle schooler.Peridot Diamond is an extremely introverted techie, with no clue of how to love, a horrible fear of abandonment, and a prosthetic left leg. The constant weight of what her mother expects of her after college, and her social anxiety is something she has learned to cope with.To both: guilt is far from a virtue.





	1. The spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you're into listening to music while you read) Lapis' soundtrack: i'm tired of feeling this way - elijah who

Waking up at 7 in the morning has never been Lapis' favorite thing to do, let alone on a Saturday morning. 

But Saturday mornings were a special occasion. With that in mind, Lapis swung her blanket from over herself before feeling a hand slap her shoulder.

"Lazuli, you better put that blanket back on me right now." Jasper threatened lowly into her pillow. 

With a sigh, Lapis climbed out of the bed and put the blanket back over Jasper's wide shoulder. 

Jasper let out a content sigh and turned her self over so she was facing the bluenette. 

"Why are you up so early again?" She slurred, rubbing an eye.

"I'm going to a lecture." She lied. 

Jasper grumbled in acknowledgement and sunk her clearly hungover frame into the bed.

Lapis swept the folded clothes on her bed stand into her freckled tan arms and shuffled out of the dorm and into the showers. 

She showered absentmindedly, enjoying whipping her mop of blue hair around in the warm water. 

She dried off, wrapped a towel around her head and wrestled her way into a sports bra and under wear, slim black jeans, an oversized pastel blue NASA sweater, mixed-matched socks, and a pair of grey converse. 

She took the towel off her head and shook her blue mop around before blasting it with a hair dryer.

When she got back to the dorm, she found an empty, unmade bed and a piece of paper on the counter that when Lapis got closer, read:

**_Gone to the gym, I'll be back when your swimming practice is over._ **

**_-Jasper_ **

_Was I showering for that long?_ Lapis pondered as she rolled her eyes and reluctantly but the bed back together and did the dishes, (It was Jasper's day to do both) playing music from a Bluetooth speaker and losing herself in twenty one pilots until 8:00, grabbing her favorite fuzzy black coat and her satchel and heading out the door.

\-----

Lapis was sitting on the A train to the west side of beach city, zoning out to psychedelic 60's music when she was suddenly hit with a feeling that something important would happen today. She didn't know why today felt particularly _different_ , besides going to see Steven. 

An ironically dull computer generated voice seeped its way through lapis's earbuds, alerting her that this was her stop. she hopped out of her seat and shuffled out of the train, hopping down to the concrete and pacing over to the stairs. 

She walked the three blocks from the station to the universe residence, getting lost in stepping inbetween the cracks on the sidewalk before climbing the staircase to the house on the beach. 

Before she raised her hand to knock the door, Mr. Universe, or Greg, swung open the door.

"Heya Lapis! here to see the shtu-ball?" He guessed. 

"Yeah!" Lapis confirmed, her hair bouncing upwards with her head. 

"Come on in, Rose is getting ready now, we should be out of your hair any minute, then you can take steven into town and buy him something nice!" He beckoned, holding out a twenty and a ten. 

"Oh, I have my own money, its okay, Mr. universe." 

"For the last time!" Greg groaned sarcastically, "The formal stuff makes me sick! you're basically family! and I insist, take the 30, its time you stop paying for our boy." 

Lapis reluctantly took the thirty dollars out of his hand and sat down on the couch, looking up at Mrs. quartz, or Rose, gracefully making her way down the staircase. 

"Hi Lapis!" She waved. "Thanks again for taking care of him while me and greg go out for a bit, you're the best." 

"Oh, its not a problem, I really enjoy his company. Makes me feel more human when I'm around him, instead of A lecture recipient." Lapis answered. 

Rose laughed at that. "Well, would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?" the tall, pink haired woman offered. 

Lapis didn't want Rose to go through the process of making tea for her, but her demons whispered to her to be proper, so she sat up, straightened her back, and accepted the offer. As Rose strode over to the the tea pot in the kitchen, A short, chubbier, curly haired boy came barreling down the stairs as fast as his legs could take him, a huge smile spread across his face. 

"Laaapiiiis!" He shouted, jumping onto the couch and wrapping the bluenette in a tight, heartfelt hug. 

"Hey steven!" Lapis giggled. "Hows it going?" 

"Good! Where are we going today?" 

"There's a coffee shop a couple blocks from here with really good peppermint hot chocolate! we can hang out there for awhile and play some games on my ipad?" Lapis offered.

"That sounds really nice!" 

\------

Lapis and Steven were sitting at the window seat of a small corner coffee shop, sipping on peppermint hot chocolate and playing an arcade game on Lapis's tablet that Steven beat Lapis at nearly everytime. But Lapis didn't mind. As far as she was concerned, Steven could win all he wanted, as long as he was happy. 

Lapis went up to the counter to grab a sugar packet to put in Stevens hot chocolate via his request, as he was trying to learn a new combo in the game they were now playing, when she felt someone run into her and fall.

She quickly spun around to see a disheaveled, petite, short-haired blonde with round green glasses and light, smooth skin.

She had the most incredible emerald green eyes, the kind of eyes you could get lost in for eons, they were so  _bright._  

"I'm sorry! oh, geez, I didn't mean to run into you like that, I wasn't looking where I was going and-"

"Are those contacts?" Lapis interrupted, looking down at the short woman.

"Pardon?" The blonde asked, puzzled.

Lapis shook her head to regain a sense of reality. "I'm sorry, its just- you have really cool eyes, I thought they must've been fake." 

"Oh, uhm- nope, that's just how they appear." 

"Sorry, that question must make you uncomfortable. I-I'm Lapis." She held out her hand to help up the stranger on the ground. "Lapis Lazuli." 

"Uhm, I'm Peridot..." She stammered as she hoisted herself up with the help of the bluenette. 

Said Peridot dusted herself off and nervously picked up her books and tablet. 

"Studying on a saturday?" Lapis joked.

"Due to unfourtunate circumstances, yes." Peridot sighed. "I was actually just leaving to go back to my dorm and sleep." 

"Oh, yeah, you should go sleep, thats important." Lapis responded hopelessly. 

The short blonde made her way to the door and pushed it open. "It- it was nice meeting you, Lapis." she stammered.

"Yeah! You too, Peridot." Lapis insisted. 

Steven was giving Lapis a shit-eating grin for the ages on her way back to the table. 

"You didn't ask for her number?" Steven asked. 

Lapis laughed, suprised. "No! I have a girlfriend, Steven, you know that!" 

Steven had his hands resting on the seat, his legs spread childishly. "But, it seemed like you really liked her!" 

"Where'd you get that idea?" Lapis laughed nervously. "She just bumped into me, all I did was help her up." 

"Then why are you blushing so hard?" Steven questioned smugly. 

_Shit._

\------

Lapis had dropped Steven off at his house and hugged him goodbye before taking the train to the east side and getting swimming practice over with.

She dried off and sat outside, scrolling through her phone endlessly until it got too cold for her sweater to keep her warm, so she walked back to her dorm building, and as she was about to open the door to the lobby, she spotted someone walking across the street with a head of wavy blonde hair and earphones, looking down at their phone. 

She suddenly saw a car speeding down the road. 

"Peridot! Car!" Lapis shrieked in the blonde's direction. 

The blonde had moved out of the way of the speeding car just in time, nearly falling over on what looked like her left leg. 

The blonde looked around for whoever had just saved her life, eventually spotting Lapis on the other side of the road. 

"I uh- Thank you so much! you just saved my life!" She shouted across the street. 

"Don't thank me, just look where you're going next time! You gave me a heart attack!" The bluenette shouted back.

"I will!" 

\------

Lapis quietly opened the door to her dorm, assuming Jasper was sleeping, as she had come back much later than her swimming practice had gone.

Of course, Jasper was nowhere to be found, so Lapis flopped into her bed and changed into her pj's laying down, throwing her laundry into the bin across the dorm. 

She looked up at her side of the wall, brandishing a blue bandana taped onto the wall, and a single printed Polaroid picture of her and Steven that Rose took for them. 

She crawled under the covers of her and Jasper's bed, reviewing everything that had happened today. She couldn't sleep for a while, the adrenaline of seeing the beautiful green eyed girl almost  _die_ still coursing through her.

After a while, the adrenaline was gone, replaced with a heavy feeling of uncertainty settling in her gut. 

Lapis couldn't get those green eyes and blonde hair out of her head as hard as she tried. But she had a girlfriend! Jasper cared about her, she had promised to Lapis that the bluenette wasn't just another hook-up when they got together two years ago. 

Sure, Jasper was distant, and rude, and sometimes even hit Lapis, but she knew there was a good heart under there. 

_Right?_

Seemingly on queue, Lapis heard the door open behind her, and Jasper silently climbed into bed and stole a good portion of the blanket to tuck under her chin.

Lapis scrunched up her nose at the smell of alcohol and cigarettes that suddenly seemed to fill the room, and as she turned over, she felt a large hand starting to rub her thigh roughly. 

Lapis pretended she was tired and mumbled for Jasper to stop, but Jasper kept insisting silently. 

After a minute or so of Lapis trying to move away from Jasper's cold hand, she snapped and propped her body up on her elbow.

 _"Jasper!"_ She whispered harshly. "I'm serious! Not tonight." 

Jasper grunted. "Fine, be like that then." She slurred as she turned over on her other shoulder, stealing the rest of the blanket. 

Lapis fell with a huff back into her pillow, ignoring the goosebumps popping up on her freckled skin. 

She fell asleep with regret tainting her mind.

Lapis really should've asked for the blonde's number.

         

 


	2. The spark (Cont.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you're into listening to music while you read) Peridot's soundtrack: thom-joji

_Why did I set my alarm for Saturday morning when I could've slept in?_

Peridot pondered this as she felt around for the snooze button on her alarm, finally finding it and pressing it down, ending the incessant beeping.

Peridot groggily sat up and reached to her bedside dresser, plucking her glasses and sliding them on as she admired the last remnants of cotton pink clouds out the window of her dorm. 

The blonde slid the covers off of her small frame and lifted her right leg to dangle over the edge of the bed as she absent-mindedly massaged her stump below her left knee cap before digging her prosthetic from out from under her pillows and latching it into place. 

She stood up and walked around for a second to ensure her prosthetic was balanced, and that she wouldn't get a head rush, then snagged a black alien print t-shirt and light blue baggy jeans from her dresser, throwing on a dark green mid-length trench coat and kiwi-green converse. 

She shuffled over to the mirror by her closet and pouted at her appearance, attempting to brush her mess of golden blonde hair to the side and re-adjust her glasses, making her appearance slightly more improved.

She was extremely lucky to have a dorm all to herself, it meant she could go through her morning routine free of judgment. Unless her social anxiety counted as a separate, sentient being.

Sure, there were some of those nights where she did get undeniably and extremely lonely, but she had gotten used to that.

She made her way down the spiral staircase of the rustic brick dorm building, probably the oldest and most visually attractive of all the dorm buildings, as it was located closest to the arts section of campus.

She walked down to the community kitchen and made herself a mug of green tea, enjoying its comforting warmth around her small hands. 

Glancing at the clock in the lobby with a sigh, which read 8:47, she pushed the heavy door open and soaked in the chilly autumn air. 

She forced her earbuds into her ears and played through her 21 pilots playlist, making the lonely walk from the dorm to the train station, admiring the campus layout as she walked. 

The train to the west side of beach city pulled into the station just as Peridot was walking in, and she rushed to get on and plop her small frame into a seat by the window. 

The doors closed and she felt the train start to move, and as the short blonde watched the rolling hills that morphed its way into the shoreline turn into the familiar city of office buildings, corner stores and coffee shops, something felt different. She couldn't pinpoint her seemingly random intuition, but it felt like something was going to change today.

She got off at her stop and walked to her favorite coffee shop, sitting down at her favorite table in the back and pulling out a text book to get lost in for a little while.

She looked up from her textbook at the sound of a boy laughing, and when she found the source, it was a short, chubby curly haired boy who looked about 13 or 14. 

Sitting next to the boy and chuckling with him was an extremely attractive woman that put a hole through Peridots gut in a glance. 

She was relatively slim, with smooth tan skin and silky, perfectly messy dyed blue hair that fluttered over her forehead. She had on a pastel blue NASA sweater that made Peridot basically  _drool_ like the nerd she was, and the slim black jeans were not working in her favor either. 

Peridot decided it would be much harder to focus on her studying while in the proximity of this mystery girl, so she gathered up her things and started walking.

...Right into the girl she had been staring at. 

"I'm sorry!" She gushed after she fell, praying her Jeans didn't go up to her ankles during the fall. "Oh, geez, I didn't mean to run into you like that, I wasn't looking where I was going and-" 

"Are those contacts?" The blue-haired woman asked suddenly, taking peridot off guard. 

"Pardon?" Peridot gawked.

The bluenette shook her head. "I'm sorry, its just- you have really cool eyes, I thought they must've been fake." 

"Oh, uhm- nope, that's just how they appear." Peridot twittered awkwardly. 

"Sorry, that question must make you uncomfortable. I-I'm Lapis." So-called Lapis held her hand out to help the Blonde up. "Lapis Lazuli." 

Peridot introduced herself and hoisted her small frame up with Lapis's help. Now that the blonde was closer to Lapis, she noticed the freckles that danced across her face and arms in all the right places, and her deep, molasses-smooth hazel-caramel dotted eyes.

Peridot dusted herself off and picked up her things. 

"Studying on a Saturday?" Lapis giggled a sweet giggle that sent another gaping hold through Peridots gut.

"Due to unfortunate circumstances, yes. I was actually just leaving to go back to my dorm and sleep." She lied.

"Oh, yeah, you should go sleep, thats important." Lapis affirmed. 

The short blonde made her way to the door and pushed it open. "It- it was nice meeting you, Lapis." she stammered.

"Yeah! You too, Peridot." She heard the bluenette respond as she set off out the door.

* * *

Peridot opened her door to her dorm with a sigh of relief, grateful for the privacy after spending more than three hours in the firing line of judgmental eyes. 

She hung up her dark green trench coat and checked her phone, which brandished a notification that told her there was an optional lecture on the scale of the universe in two hours. 

She tried to work out in her head what she could occupy herself with for two hours, but the only thing on the short blonde's mind at the moment was that Lapis girl she ran into at the coffee shop. 

She remembered faint images of those deep caramel smooth eyes, and freckle-dotted skin which sent a new wave of butterflies into her gut. 

 _Wow_ that girl was pretty. Peridot lied to herself often, but this was something she couldn't deny. She obviously felt some sort of attraction towards the newly deemed Lapis.

How she would deal with this newfound attraction? The short blonde had no idea. Hopefully, she would just never see the Blue-haired girl again, although something in the back of her mind whispered that she _desperately_ wanted to see the blue-haired girl again.  

She zoned out for awhile, her mind constantly tainted by Lapis, even as she was studying the contents of the lecture she was going to.

The lecture wasn't much better either. While the projector aiming its screen of distant stars at the ceiling of the lecture hall captured Peridots attention, they also reminded her of the freckles painted like stars on Lapis' face and arms, and the cycle continued. 

 _Why is this fucking girl on my mind so much?!_ Peridot screamed internally as she walked back to her dorm building, having left early from her lecture.  _I cant even focus on my 2nd favorite subject!_

As she was passing the C dorms in the science district while zoning out to music, she faintly heard a shout and stopped in her tracks to look up at where the shout came from. 

She was met with a flash of silver and bright light right in front of her, which caused her to nearly topple over in surprise on her prosthetic. 

It took her a second to process what just happened, but she did, and when she realized it was the blue-haired girl, Lapis, that had just saved her life, she felt her stomach tighten up. 

"Guh, Thank you so much! You just saved my life!" Peridot gushed.

"Don't thank me, just look where you're going next time! You gave me a heart attack!" The bluenette shouted back from across the street.

"I will!"  

The blonde watched Lapis make her way inside the dorm building, continuing her walk to her dorm once she disappeared behind the sheet of plexi glass. 

 _She barely lives a quarter of a mile from me..._ She ruminated as she put one foot in front of the other. 

She swung open the heavy wooden doors to her respective building, basking in the warmth of the lobby as she went to go make herself some tea. 

The blonde opened her door with a mug of store-bought hazelnut orange tea, setting down on her bedside dresser and falling into her covers with a huff.  

So she just had her life saved by Lapis Lazuli. _Great end to the day, Diamond..._ She mulled as she sipped on her tea. 

After a couple hours of studying, scrolling through her phone, and definitely  _not_ thinking about Lapis, exhaustion finally pulled at her eyes, so she embraced it and plugged her phone in, changed into her pajamas and unlatched her prosthetic, stuffing it under her pillow and sinking into her mattress.

She didn't get a ton of sleep that night.

 

 


	3. Library Daydreams

They always said distance makes the heart grow fonder.

It had been three days since a certain short, blonde-haired girl and bumped into Lapis at a coffee shop.

And since then, Lapis _could not_ get her out of her head. 

It was getting to the point where her dreams would have bits and pieces of the blonde snuck into them by her subconscious. 

On the first day, she tried distracting herself with swimming extra laps at practice, but that was no help.

On the second, she tried making out with Jasper, attempting to revive feelings inside her that were long lost, but all that did was give Jasper a false image of what Lapis wanted, and now she had to deal with Jasper getting needy at night as Lapis attempted to sleep her attraction away. 

On the third day, she willingly went to a lecture about her marine biology major, but somehow, the professor managed to make her favorite subject it so dull and uninteresting that Lapis' mind wandered to the blonde anyway. 

It was now the fourth day, and Lapis was walking to the large campus library to check out an algebra textbook she needed for her new class that she had switched to. 

It was a beautiful day, even if it was abnormally cold, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the morning sun was shining down on the campus in an almost heavenly fashion. 

The library was a grand building with plexi-glass windows for walls, and beanbags in the back for people to lounge on and read or do school work in. 

Lapis pushed open the door and headed straight for the shelf with class-specific textbooks. She searched around for a little while, purposefully taking her sweet-ass time, as she had no classes today and didn't take a liking to sitting around in bed until swimming practice at 7.  

She eventually found her textbook, and as she shuffled over to the checkout desk, there was suddenly a gaping hole in her gut as she looked at the back of the library. 

There, lounging on the only green beanbag, nose dug into a mechanics textbook, was Peridot. Her wavy, spiked up blonde hair was illuminated by the morning sun, giving it a golden glow that sent goosebumps erupting up the bluenette's freckled arms. 

Stray curls of gold fell down the blonde's rosy cheeks, her glasses slightly tilted to the side, somehow highlighting her bright emerald eyes even better.  

She was wearing a slim fitting, plain grey, v-neck t-shirt that highlighted her curves a little _too_ well, her black and green flannel tied round her waist. 

Lapis was probably gonna faint.

She hurriedly checked out her book and made her way behind a bookshelf near the back of the library, hiding from Peridot to take out her phone and turn on the rear-facing camera to use as a mirror to make a pit stop on her appearance. 

She procrastinated going over to her for maybe two minutes, one leg angled towards the bean bags and one angled towards the door. 

She finally worked up the courage to put one foot in front of the other, and placed herself down on the blue beanbag on Peridot's left. 

"Uhm, hey..." She stumbled. "Peridot, right?" 

Peridot looked up from her textbook, her emerald eyes growing wide when she noticed Lapis. 

"Oh! _guh,_ Yes, I'm glad you still remember!" She blurted.

God this blonde was _adorable_. 

"Well I feel like I haven't really, you know,  _formally_ introduced myself." She affirmed.

"Well, does _saving my life_ and helping me up the other night count?" The blonde questioned.

Lapis let out a genuine laugh at that. 

"Nope," Lapis felt her muscles relax as the butterflies started to float away. "Not in my head. Again, I'm Lapis. I'm a junior here, I'm from Hawaii, And I like the color blue, and 21 pilots." 

"That might explain your freckles!" Peridot theorized, seemingly relaxing into her beanbag along with Lapis. "Non- genetic freckles are a semi-rare case of sun exposure, which Hawaii must have a lot of, so that must be what you have!" 

"Woah,  _damn_ I never realized that." Lapis admitted.

"I'm sorry if I seem creepy, I've just never met anyone with freckles before, I think they're really cool!"

Lapis felt a smile tugging at her lips. "Well, you can take a closer look if you want, I think you're the only person who hasn't judged how many I have." 

"You would _let_ me?" Peridot gasped.

Lapis giggled. "Go ahead."  

Peridot leaned in closer to Lapis, gazing with wonder as Lapis turned her face so the blonde could see a side angle. 

"If you look hard enough, I had someone tell me they saw the aquarius constellation, which also happens to be my zodiac." 

Peridot studied the bluenette's freckles for a couple more moments before falling into her beanbag. 

"That's really cool!" The blonde smiled, sending a couple butterflies into Lapis's stomach. "I'm a sagittarius, but I've never believed that zodiacs _define_ your personality, or some odd B.S like that. I believe in Aliens though!" 

"Oh, so you're a believer huh?" Lapis laughed. 

"Of course I am! It's almost  _impossible_ that they _don't_ exist! If there are Billions of galaxies just like ours, There's no way we're totally alone!" 

"Alright, fine. I'm interested. Tell me more, nerd." Lapis chuckled, sinking into her beanbag further.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. That something

The afternoon was ghost quiet as Peridot walked to her dorm, bathed in the soft orange lighting of the autumn sunset, casting it's way across the empty campus courtyard. 

Peridot clung to her satchel strap, gazing with wonder at the set of numbers haphazardly scribbled onto the baby blue sticky note that Lapis had handed to the blonde, before she reluctantly left for her swimming practice. 

Peridot was surprised at just how reluctant Lapis had been. It almost seemed as if the bluenette had enjoyed the crazy, nerdy rambling of Peridot. 

The short mechanics major knew she was a fool to think Lapis had any intention of associating herself with her. But Peridot couldn't stop replaying their conversations over and over in her head. It was hard for Peridot not to get her hopes too far up after the long conversation she had with the Hawaiian. 

Peridot couldn't stop thinking about how  _comfortable_ she had become once the conversation started going somewhere. 

Something about the bluenette had made Peridot nearly forget abut her social anxiety for awhile. For the first time in a long fucking time, Peridot felt as if she could genuinely be  _herself_ around someone. Lapis had been so flexible, so patient, so genuinely  _kind_ to Peridot. Lapis was so  _easy_ to be around, despite how she made the blonde's heart jump into her throat with a single glance at her deep, hazel eyes.

To be honest, she was a little scared. 

Peridot didn't like getting close. 

* * *

 The short blonde stuffed her head into her pillow and audibly groaned. 

_How was she supposed to text her?_

It was petty, she knew, but as night fell, the streetlights hummed to life, and her dorm took on a soft lighting via the lamp on her bed stand, Peridot had been debating how to initiate conversation with the bluenette.

It seemed simple enough, just a simple hello would suffice, but Peridot wanted to make a good first impression. 

After almost an hour of stalling, she finally came up with something.

**[Peridot: Hi Lapis, it's Peridot. I figured I should text you so that you can save my number in your phone. How was swimming practice?]**

Peridot hesitantly hit the "Send" button and felt her gut flood with butterflies and her cheeks heat up as she instantly saw three tiny animated dots pop up on her screen, implying Lapis had seen the message and instantly started responding. 

_Was she waiting for me to text her?_

**[Lapis: hey, swimming practice was boring, i shoulda just spent it in the library with u]** _  
_

Peridot curled a soft mint green blanket around her small frame and sat criss-cross on her bed, wedging a pillow in between her thighs for support. 

**[Peridot: Well, the rest of my day was pretty boring too, I just went back to studying after I grabbed lunch.]**

_That was a dull response..._  Peridot reflected. 

**[Lapis: will i see you tomorrow?]**

Peridot jolted.  _She wants to see me?_

**[Peridot: Of course.]**

**[Lapis: Gr8, ill meet you in the coffee shop you ran into me at lol]**

Peridot found herself laughing despite her embarrassment. 

**[Peridot: When can you make it?]**

**[Lapis: 3:00? is that okay?]**

**[Peridot: Yes. I will see you then.]**

* * *

 

Peridot shifted nervously in her chair, using her phone to check her appearance for the fourth time in ten minutes. The clock read 3:14. 

She glanced at the window and saw a car pulling up to the sidewalk. She watched the door swing open, and there she was, in all her blue-haired, tan-freckled-skinned glory.

Her freckled cheeks were rosy, her breath visible from her mouth, as it was late November. 

She sported a very aesthetically pleasing black scarf with a plain blue pullover hoodie and grey, slim jeans, topped off with navy blue Doc Martins. 

Peridot pretended not to notice as Lapis pushed the door open and strode over to the table in the back Peridot was sitting at. 

"Hi Peridot! I'm really sorry I'm late, my girlfriend can't read a GPS for her life." The bluenette apologized, pulling out a chair and plopping down on it. 

Peridot tensed up.  _Girlfriend? She-She's gay? She's already in a relationship?_

" _Uh,_ that's okay. Google maps is pretty shitty anyway." Peridot pardoned, looking up from her textbook. 

Lapis laughed, and her beauty seemed to overwhelm Peridot's senses as she took note of the bluenette's deep hazel eyes and her pretty smile. 

"I-I like your scarf!" Peridot blurted. 

"Thank you! I actually bought it for my girlfriend, but she said she didn't like it, so I kept it."  _Was she blushing?_

"How long have you two been together?" Peridot pressed.  

"Two years." Lapis explained, solemnly looking back at the car, which was now speeding off into the distance. "Next week marks three." 

"Woah, thats impressive. I've only been in one relationship, and that was in freshman year of high school." 

Lapis smiled. "Oooh, who was the lucky guy?" She quipped. 

Peridot chuckled. "Actually, it was a girl. her name was Lily." 

"Oh! That's nice, how did you break up?" 

Peridot sighed. "She moved, and we just gradually stopped communicating." She lied. 

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Lapis played with a strand of blue hair. 

"No, no don't be, it was high school, and you wouldn't have known me back then."

"Well-uh, Let's get some coffee and maybe you can teach me more about aliens." Lapis suggested.

Peridot nearly stood up in excitement. "I'd love too!" 

 


	5. Dream of her

The cold, overcast air nipped at Lapis' face and tickled her cheeks with loose hair as she stood outside the corner coffee shop, legs crossed and holding onto her backpack strap with one hand, a coffee in the other.

She watched Peridot make her way down the sidewalk towards the train station when something snapped in her head. 

 _"Hey!"_ She shouted in the blonde's direction. "Peridot, do you want a ride back to your dorm!?" 

Peridot turned around and hesitated before nodding sheepishly and shuffling her way over to Lapis's side. 

"That coffee shop really _does_ have the best coffee in beach city..." Peridot admitted, studying her beige coffee cup.

Lapis giggled. "I _told_ you it did! I dunno how you haven't bought a coffee from here before." 

Peridot took another sip of her coffee as a unique black and grey car pulled up to the sidewalk. The passenger side window opened to reveal a large, muscular, white haired girl. 

"Hey Lazuli, hop in, lets get back to the dorm." Jasper beckoned. 

Lapis took a breath. "Hey, Jasper, this is my new friend Peridot." She gestured to the short blonde. "She needs a ride back to her dorm, its not far from ours."

Jasper shifted her intense mustard yellow eyes to the petite blonde, who was visibly intimidated. 

"Alright, pipsqueak, hop in the back seat." Jasper smirked, jabbing her thumb behind her large frame.

Lapis opened the back door for Peridot with a sarcastic bow, gesturing her inside the car.

Peridot huffed out a laugh and crawled into the back seat. 

Lapis shut the back door closed and felt her chest throb briefly, as she realized Jasper would be insanely skeptical of the blonde and Lapis' relationship. 

She swung herself into the front seat and pulled the door closed, strapping her seatbelt and shifting her weight to get comfortable in the hilariously small passenger seat. 

As Jasper pressed on the gas pedal and sent the car forward, Lapis noticed the passenger side mirror had a near perfect view of Peridot, who was nervously shuffling through her textbooks. 

Her wavy locks of gold were blowing around her face in the wind of the car heater, making Peridot constantly blow them away from her bright green eyes. 

Lapis wished she could take screenshots with her mind. 

Peridot must've noticed the mirror as well, as emerald eyes met hazel and darted anywhere but the mirror multiple times, though eventually, over the course of the drive home, they started making silly faces at each other, Lapis stifling a laugh and blushing when Peridot gave her that half-grin.  

Jasper noticed this and used the free hand that she wasn't using to drive to grab Lapis' hand and interlock their fingers.

Peridot looked down guiltily and gave her attention to her textbooks. 

The car stopped outside a vintage looking, brick dorm building, and Peridot pushed open the door and crawled out of the car.

"Bye Lapis! It was fun hearing about your stories from Hawaii!" 

Lapis laughed, letting out a snort. "Bye Peridot! I'd _love_ to tell you more later! Text me!" 

"I will." Peridot added. " _Oh_ , and-uh... thank you for the ride, Jasper." She added. 

"No problem blondie." Jasper mumbled lowly. 

Peridot closed the door and walked off, Lapis watching her until she disappeared behind the wooden door. 

"You know what I'm gonna ask." Jasper murmured. 

"I'm not into her." Lapis murmured back. 

"Well it  _damn well_ looks like it." 

"Then you should get your eyes checked." 

Jasper let out a deep sigh. "If you're gonna keep acting like this, I can kick you out of my car and you can _walk_ back to the dorm yourself." 

"Acting like what?" Lapis echoed. 

"Are you  _kidding me?_ You've been acting like I'm not even your fucking  _girlfriend_ the past week in a half, and it's driving me nuts, Lazuli." 

Jasper gripped the bluenette's hand a little tighter. "You know I just don't want anyone to hurt you..." She cooed.

Jasper untangled her hand from Lapis' and wrapped her arm around her, forcing Lapis to butt her head onto the large girls shoulder. 

"That's my girl..."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter I know!! but I feel like this is important to the story, so here!


	6. Puzzle pieces

Peridot closed her mechanics textbook and stood up from her desk, her digital clock in the corner of the room informing her it was 11:36. 

The blonde's dorm was shaded a deep orange by her bedside lamp, as the outside became even darker. 

Suddenly, her phone was buzzing wildly in her pocket, spiking Peridots heart rate as the only sound previously filling her dorm was the gentle sound of an electric heater. 

She fished her screaming phone from her pocket, and she nearly fell onto her bed as she saw it was an incoming FaceTime call from none other than Lapis Lazuli. 

She pressed the accept call button hesitantly, surprised when she saw Lapis was outside, and not in her dorm. There was a blurry line covering the mid section of Lapis' camera.

" _Lapis?_ What are doing on campus at 11:30 at night?" 

"Okay, this is gonna sound really weird, but my girlfriend just kicked me out and I need a place to stay for the night." 

Peridot pondered a moment.

"I _know_ I'm asking a lot, but I'd really appreciate it, I don't wanna sleep on the sidewalk a-."  

"Of course you can, Are you okay?" Peridot asked. 

"Yeah, I'm fine now, Thank you so much Peridot, I owe you big time. Where's your dorm?" Lapis said solemnly. 

"Uh, no problem, Lapis. You know where my building is, I'm on the third floor, room 323." 

"Okay, see you in a couple minutes."

As soon as Lapis hung up, Peridot rushed to clean her room, stuffing dirty clothes on the floor under her bed, tidying up her desk, and spraying a bit of her favorite lemon zest perfume in the air for good measure.

She stuffed her extra prosthetic leg in her bedside drawer, changed into a plain black long sleeve shirt with alien prints going all the way down the sleeves in single file, a baggy pair of jeans, and plain green wool socks. She heard a knock on the door just as she was readjusting her bra, and she quickly shuffled over to the door and creaked it open. 

"Hi Lapis, you can come in... I'm sorry about your girlfriend." Peridot offered. 

Lapis sighed. "It's honestly nothing new, I'm sorry for how she treated you in the car earlier today." 

"All she did was call me pipsqueak, its okay, honestly."

"You couldn't have liked that though..." 

It was Peridot's turn to sigh. "Of course I didn't, but theres not really much I can do is there? I'm 5'3", 118 pounds. She's  probably  _quadruple_  my weight and hight." 

Lapis walked in timidly, making her way over to Peridot's desk.

"Can I sit here?" 

Peridot almost scoffed. "Lapis, of course, you're spending the night, right? Make yourself at home." 

Peridot crawled onto her bed, sneaking a glance at Lapis, who's attention was out the window. 

The bluenette's hair fell over a caramel eye, her tan skin highlighting her galaxies of freckles in the dim light of Peridot's dorm. She had on a Grey beach city swim team sweater, classic blue jeans, and denim converse. 

Peridot couldn't stop herself from staring, but suddenly her chest throbbed with horror as she noticed a dark spot on Lapis' lower jaw. 

A bruise. 

She started to piece together the puzzle in her head. 

Jasper seemed _controlling_ when Peridot had met her, grabbing Lapis' hand in the car when she noticed Lapis making faces at her. 

She had kicked her out of her own dorm, and Lapis had obeyed, and asked to come to Peridot's. 

Her phone screen was severely cracked, and Peridot had a hunch that it wasn't Lapis who was responsible for that.

_"Peridot?"_

Lapis saying her name snapped her out of the investigation in her head.

" _Guh,_ sorry, I zoned out."

"That's okay. I was just asking if you wanted to play some music?" Lapis suggested. 

"Yeah, sure! I uh... I have a bluetooth speaker on my windowsill, you can connect to it." Peridot nodded. 

There were a couple moments of silence before Peridot heard the opening chords to glowing eyes by twenty one pilots, a huge grin erupting onto the faces of both girls as they prepared to launch into the song. 

Suddenly it felt as if Peridot was overcome with how amazing Lapis was, as her smooth, light singing voice made its way into Peridots ears, even drowning out the song. 

_"We all are stranger creatures than when we all started out as kids... culture forbid!"_

Peridot sang along too, although timid at first, she slowly got the hang of it. Lapis had sung every word of the song, her voice perfectly on key, giving Peridot chills down her spine and a hole in her gut when the song, along with Lapis, reached its crescendo.

Peridot marveled at the sight of Lapis, still in a state of shock at how beautifully Lapis had sung. 

"You uh- you have a really nice voice..." Peridot gushed, heat rushing to her face, still feeling the ghost of the chills she had gotten up her spine.

"Oh...  _Really?_ " Lapis questioned, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Y- _yeah!_ " The blonde stuttered. "Do you sing often?" 

Lapis sighed. "Yeah... but I've never actually sung in front of _anyone_..." 

"I bet people would love it!" Peridot offered. "Seriously, your voice is amazing!" 

"Thanks, Peridot..." Lapis timidly accepted her compliment. 

Peridot sat back down on her bed, Lapis' voice still ghosting in her ears, making her heart throb and her stomach drop even more. 

_Fuck, I'm catching feelings..._

 


	7. Spoken like a friend

_"Oh no! Cute girl!"_

Lapis looked down curiously at Steven who was now hid behind Lapis, as a girl, about Steven's hight, with red glasses, milk chocolate skin, and long, flowing black hair strolled by the coffee shop alongside a tall, similarly colored woman in a lab coat.

Lapis laughed, fully realizing the situation at hand. 

"She goes to your school?" Lapis questioned as Steven jumped back up to his spinning stool. 

"Uh... yeah," Steven flustered. "She's in my History class." 

"You should've gone and said hi, if you like her that much!" Lapis offered. "There's still time!" 

 _"I doooooon't!"_ Steven pouted, his cheeks shaded pink. 

"Sure seems like it." Lapis smiled at Steven.

Steven flustered silently with a stupid grin on his face as the bells of the coffee shop's door chimed to let someone in.

The boy vibrated with excitement and triumph in his seat. "Speak of the devil..!" 

The short blonde shuffled into the coffee shop, finding her place in line and waiting, visually a little anxious. 

Stray locks of gold splayed down her face and neck, the rest of her blonde hair swept to the side, nearly covering one eye.

Her emerald eyes shone as bright as ever in the grey morning light seeping in through the window, her cheeks rosy from being outside in the cold.

Lapis found it pretty adorable that she was wearing a classic flannel, similar to her own, but green instead of aqua blue. Her curves were highlighted by the tight fit of the button up shirt. 

Her jeans were light denim and baggy, with green alien prints sown down the sides of each pant leg. 

_She's so cute... wait what?_

She heard Steven laugh. "Lapis, you're staring!" 

Lapis frantically shook her head, regaining a sense of reality. "Wha- no I wasn't!" She defended. 

"Whatever you saayy..." Steven shrugged smugly. 

Lapis flustered and went back to the game she was playing with Steven, reasoning that she would go over to Peridot when she got her coffee and was seated. 

Lapis found herself wondering if Peridot had seen her yet, constantly glancing in her peripheral vision to see if Peridot was looking.  _Why did she care about the blonde's attention so much?_

Lapis stood up from her chair. "I'm gonna go talk to her." She said timidly to Steven. 

"Woo! go Lapis!" She heard Steven cheer as she walked over to the short blonde. 

"Peridot? Hey! How's it going?" Lapis greeted, seemingly surprising Peridot.

" _Guh,_ Hi Lapis!" The blonde gushed, turning around at light speed. 

Lapis felt heat crawling up her face. "When you're finished ordering, you should come to where me and Steven are sitting." 

"Steven?" Peridot questioned. 

Lapis internally slapped herself.  _Of course she doesn't know who Steven is!_

"Sorry, he's a middle schooler, we're good friends, he said he wanted to meet you." 

"O...Okay, I'll be there when I get my coffee."

 Lapis smiled and walked back to the window seat, where Steven was sitting, deeply entranced in the game on Lapis' Ipad. 

He looked up when Lapis sat down with a nervous huff. 

"How'd it go?" Steven asked excitedly. 

Lapis rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, I got her to come sit over here...?" 

Steven put his hands in the air. "Progress! You'll be flirting with her in no time!"

 _"Steven!"_ Lapis laughed. "I have a girlfriend!" 

The young, curly-haired boys energetic demeanor seemed to dissipate as he sighed, putting the Ipad down on his lap. 

"Can I ask you something?" He started, his eyebrows slanting away from each other.   

"Anything, Steven." Lapis affirmed. 

"You always say you have a girlfriend, Jasper, when I try to tease you about Peridot. Maybe I'm just looking at things too closely, but it seems like you really like her. And, if I'm honest, you don't look very happy with Jasper."

The floor suddenly was very interesting to Lapis as her heart swelled. 

"I... I  _am_ happy with her though..." She lied.

"I know, I know, I might be wrong, but if I'm right, I think you should be with someone who- well, ya know,  _actually_  makes you happy, not who you hope will make you happy someday." 

Lapis frantically held back tears. "I... I don't-"

"Its okay, I know you're not a big fan of emotional talks. Just remember what I said, okay?"

Lapis nodded slowly. "Okay." 

* * *

 

 Lapis swung the door to her dorm open, immediately hit with the smell of burning tobacco.  

"Jasper, I need to borrow the car." 

Said Jasper was sitting in the window, smoking a cigarette. 

"You need the car? Why?" She questioned, not bothering to look at Lapis. 

"Damnit, Jaz, it doesn't look like you're very  _busy._ " Lapis pointed to the white and orange paper in-between Jasper's large fingers.

"Fine, yeesh, the keys are on top of the fridge." Jasper conceded, taking another drag of her cigarette. 

Lapis scooped up the keys and made haste out the door.

* * *

The bluenette sat on the edge of the cliff, Legs dangling off the edge as she stared out at the endless ocean laid out before her. The night sky held up hundreds of bright stars as the full moon cast its glow across the water. 

"So, why'd you take me here again?" Peridot questioned. 

Lapis let out a laugh through her nose as she fell backwards onto the damp grass.

"Honestly, I dunno. I just wanted to hang out somewhere that wasn't the coffee shop." 

Peridot fell backward onto the grass alongside the bluenette.

"Well, It's really pretty up here." Peridot pointed out, Gazing up at the stars.

_So are you..._

Lapis turned her head to look at Peridot, her heart swelling when she noticed Peridot was grinning up at the sky of lights. 

"Thinkin' about aliens?" Lapis bantered. 

Peridot chuckled, shifting her head towards Lapis. "What else would I be thinking about when I'm staring at the vast, unending possibilities of space?" 

The bluenette laughed out loud. "A lot of things, honestly." 

The air seemed to shift around Lapis as Peridot's emerald eyes met Lapis' gaze. 

Their faces seemed to automatically shift closer together, and Lapis was just preparing to feel the blonde's lips on hers when her phone screamed at her from her pocket. 

Although bitter that her and Peridot's moment had been interrupted, (Her heart was still pounding in her ears, her breath uneven, and shaky) she was happy to see that the call was from Rose Quartz. Maybe she'd get a new babysitting opportunity!

She pressed the green accept call button and put her phone on speaker, so as not to make Peridot feel shut out. 

Lapis was taken aback when she was met with intense sobbing on the other end of the call.

"Mrs. Quartz? ...Hey, What's going on? A-Are you okay?" Lapis tried to talk through the sobs, glancing at Peridot, who looked mortified, to say the least. 

"H-He-  _Jesus christ!_ I don't kn-know what to do!" 

"Hey, Mrs. Quartz, take some deep breaths. Can you do that for me?" 

She waited patiently for Rose to gather herself, listening to her long, watery breaths. 

"St- Steven's been struck by a car... He's in an ambulance on his way to the ER, but he's knocked out cold."

 

 

 


	8. Too much on my mind

Peridot pressed her forehead to the window, trying not to fog it up as she sighed. 

She had been with Steven for maybe fourty-five minutes, playing Smash Bros and Checkers, watching the boys eyes light up whenever Peridot showed him something new, his contagious smile infecting Peridot.

And now he was in a hospital bed after surgery, his face stoic and peaceful, in contrast to the horrific injuries he suffered. 

"...He _is_ expected to make a full recovery, but he will be in a coma for at least three weeks." Dr. Maheswaran's solemn voice faded into Peridot's ears, addressing the room of worried friends and family, huddled around the window, looking into Steven's hospital room. "I'm sorry." 

Peridot found herself speaking first. "When do visiting hours start?" 

Dr. Maheswaran sighed. "Well, he'll need at least a day before anyone other than us can come in contact with him, so I'd say around one PM tomorrow." 

Rose, who Peridot now knew as Steven's mother began to cry, putting an outstretched arm around her husband Greg for support.

* * *

 Peridot trudged up the hill to the cliff side, wanting a place to sit and think, to clear her head, as all she could really think about currently was painful memories and Lapis.

Steven was in a coma. Lapis had nearly kissed her. 

_What on earth happened?_

_It seems like everything is happening so quick... Meeting Lapis has really changed my life, and its only been what- three weeks?_ Peridot let out a huff as she fell onto the grass, dangling her leg and prosthetic over the edge.

A small, moonlit ladybug then landed on Peridot's hand, resting its small wings and crawling to the blonde's ring finger. 

"You have it so easy." Peridot voiced to the newly appeared insect. "You don't have to worry about what people think of you. You don't have to worry about people in general." She sighed. 

The lady bug spread its wings and landed on Peridot's leg. 

"You don't have the _ability_ to over-analyze every little thing people do towards you, or worry about someone who's hurt. You're just living life, up here on a cliffside by the waves. Nothing to worry about but eating smaller insects and flying around."  

The ladybug flew off as a dull shadow loomed over the short blonde. 

"Needed some quiet time too?" Lapis plopped down next to Peridot. 

Her moonlit face sent Peridot's heart into her throat, her freckles dancing across her skin like the stars overhead as Peridot remembered what had nearly happened the last time they were sitting up here just hours earlier.

Peridot sighed. "Yes. This is all pretty fucked up." 

Lapis mumbled in agreement and put lower legs over the edge. 

Peridot let the gentle sound of waves crashing against the shore fill the comfortable silence between her and the attractive Hawaiian. 

"Steven's always been there for me." Lapis nearly whispered. "I wish I could've  _been there._ Now I can't be there for him for three weeks. That thought makes me sick." Lapis hugged her arms around her frame. "He's helped me through some of the darkest times I've ever gone through." 

There were a couple more moments of silence before Peridot spoke. "If...If you don't mind me asking, how did you and him meet?" 

Lapis looked like she was hesitating, working out what to say. 

"You don't have to tell me." Peridot added. 

"No, no, I want to, I just--" Lapis cut off. "Can we keep this private? Like, between us?" 

"Lapis, you're the only friend I have. I have no one to tell." Peridot mused. 

Lapis sighed. "I ran away from my mother when I was 18, right after I graduated high school. My dad had already left before that. I don't want to get into specifics, but eventually I ended up here. I had nothing and no one. Then Steven found me on a bench one morning and asked me if I was okay. I think I had been crying earlier, so he probably saw how puffy my eyes were." The bluenette reminisced. 

"He took me to his house and offered me food, a place to stay..." Lapis trailed off, wiping a stray tear from her eye and looking below her at the house at the bottom of the cliff. "He even introduced me to his parents. I stayed there for a while, until BCU finally accepted my application. My point is, through everything, he's always been the little light at the end of the tunnel. And it always seems like he gets brighter the darker the tunnel gets." 

Lapis fell backwards onto the grass. 

"I'm _scared_ what I'll do without him." 

Peridot rested on her palms, leaning backwards. "No wonder he's so fun to hangout with." The short blonde mused.  

"You're 'tellin me..." 

 

 

 


	9. Too much on my mind (Cont.)

Lapis opened the door to her pitch black dorm and glanced at the clock, which read 3:24. 

 _"It's way too late..."_ Lapis grumbled to herself as she sauntered towards the bed and flopped into the covers, not caring that her shoes, jeans and t-shirt were still on. She could change in the morning. 

She absent-mindedly pulled out her phone and sent Peridot a goodnight text, plugged the device into its charger and put her head on the pillow, her eyes pulling themselves shut as she slowly started to drift asleep, not fully noticing the absence of her girlfriend. 

Suddenly she heard the door creak open, and the scent of weed and alcohol wafted through the air, as did the sound of lips smacking and soft moans. 

Lapis covered her mouth and tried not to scream as she lay motionless, frozen under the covers, pretending to be asleep as Jasper and some other girl fell onto the other, empty bed in the dorm, moaning and lazily kissing at the others lips. 

 _"...Who's that?"_ The other girl whispered, probably noticing Lapis "Asleep" on the other bed. 

_"...Just my roommate, she's asleep, 'an it'll stay that way as long as we keep quiet."_

Lapis did everything in her power to swallow the burning lump in her throat.

_...Roommate?_

* * *

 

Lapis didn't sleep. 

The bluenette stayed awake, listening to the sounds of betrayal as it slowly sunk in that Jasper had cheated  _right in front of her._  

_How long has this been going on? How many times has this happened while I'm asleep?_

The girl had left at half past 4, Jasper had slept on the bed opposite from Lapis, not even bothering to climb into the bed with Lapis after the girl had left.  

Lapis climbed out of bed at about 8:00, Jasper wasn't in bed, so Lapis assumed she was taking a shower in the dorm restroom. 

The bluenette got to work packing up her former girlfriends things into her multiple orange duffel bags. 

She took down all the women's MMA and boxing posters from Jasper's wall and rolled them up, stuffing them into the duffel bags as well. 

She finished and tossed the bags onto the other bed. 

Lapis stood tall, arms crossed and back straight, in the middle of the room, as Jasper opened the door and faltered into the dorm, noticing that none of her posters were taped to the wall anymore. 

"Uh-- What's going on?" Jasper questioned. 

"Leave." Lapis said flatly. 

"Wha-  _Leave?_ What are you talking about, why is all my shit packed up?" 

 _"Get out of here."_ Lapis said though gritted teeth.  _"You know exactly why."_

Jasper seemed to realize what the bluenette was talking about as panic briefly flashed through her piercing yellow eyes. She let out a deep, angry breath through her nose and raised her broad shoulders.

"Fine." 

The platinum haired girl grabbed her bags and swung them over their shoulder, making her way towards the door. 

"Using Steven almost dying as an excuse to cheat on me, you're honestly _sick,_ you know that?" Lapis gritted as Jasper silently  eft the dorm with out as much as a glance backward. 

As soon as the door closed, Lapis put her back to the wall and sunk down, slowly losing composure as the burning lump in her throat erupted into a hailstorm of tears. 

 

 


	10. Oh, where nothing bothered us

Peridot sat at the back table, curling her hair with her index finger as the smell of dark oak wood and coffee wafted through the air. 

Lapis was ten minutes late, and for some reason, it had Peridot worried.

Suddenly she felt her phone vibrate harshly in her pocket.

**[Lapis: Hey can u meet me at the Lighthouse/cliff]**

Once Peridot had gotten up the hill, she found Lapis sitting on the edge, her posture eerily proper, her back was straight and her arms crossed themselves. Her vibrant blue hair was more of a grizzled mess than usual, although Peridot didn't mind.

But she could tell something was off. 

As the short blonde plopped down next to Lapis, she spoke the first thing that came to mind.

"...Are you going to see Steven at 1:30?" 

Lapis stared straight ahead at the grey and blue of the ocean. "...Are we not gonna talk about it?"  

Peridot raised an eyebrow, her heart jumping to her throat. 

"...We almost _kissed_ the other night. And you haven't mentioned anything." Lapis alluded. "...I just want to know what that meant." 

Peridot sat frozen. "I-- I uh, I figured you needed time to think about what happened to Steven. He's pretty much your lifelong friend, I'd totally understand why you would need some time alone. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured, or left you in the dark. I just-- Didn't see the logic in stressing you out even more. I know your girlfriend wouldn't like it." She gushed.

Lapis suddenly choked out a sob, taking a few deep, shaky breaths before speaking. "I broke up with her." 

" _Guh--_ What?" Peridot gaped.  

"Last night-- I was trying to sleep and she walked in with some other girl and..!" Lapis seemingly broke like a dam as the tears came spilling out and the sobs could no longer be stifled. 

She curled her knees into her chest, Peridot putting her hesitant yet comforting hands on Lapis' shaky shoulders. 

 ...I--I don't understand..." Lapis sobbed.  _"Was it me?"_

Peridot turned Lapis around so she was facing her, her emotions overcome with a sense of  _...Protectiveness?_  

"We were together for so long..." Lapis reminisced, tears spilling from her caramel eyes. "She made a promise to me that I wasn't just another  _hook up,_ but obviously she was crossing her fingers..."

Lapis let out a shaky breath. "I still feel like it was  _my fault..._ I had her make that promise to me because I wanted a sense of security... for once I had someone who was as  _afraid_ of losing me as I was to them, or-- at least that's what I thought she felt..."

The bluenette hugged her arms close to her chest, seemingly embracing Peridot's comforting hands on either shoulder. 

"I guess I just wanted to feel well--  _Wanted._ " Lapis choked out. "I clung to such a bad relationship for _two years_ because of that feeling. I 'dunno- maybe thats just selfish and I shouldn't expect anyone to feel that way about me." 

"...It's  _not_ selfish!" Peridot asserted. "Are you really telling me that you think you're being selfish for expecting your girlfriend not to _cheat on you?_ That's _literally_ the most  _basic requirement_ of a non-platonic relationship!" 

Peridot suddenly found herself very passionate about the issue at hand. 

"There's a difference between selfishness and doing what's right for you, Lapis. And you did the right thing. I know this seems like it  _sucks_ right now, it's shitty, Steven's in the hospital, Jasper cheated on you, but I  _promise_ everything will get better. Steven will be awake before Christmas, and you don't have to deal with Jasper anymore. Doesn't that sound nice?" 

Lapis shifted her puffy, caramel eyes up at Peridot, a grin tugging at her lips. "Didn't take you for the healing type..." 

Peridot massaged the back of her neck. "...I just-- Uh, didn't want you to try and get through this the wrong way, I know how damaging that can be..." She reminisced, glancing down at her left pant leg. 

Suddenly, Lapis threw her arms around Peridot and burrowed her head into Peridot's collar bone, wrapping her in a tight, warm hug that overwhelmed Peridot's senses with one thing. Lapis.

Peridot reciprocated the hug, locking her hands together on Lapis' back, a silent understanding passing between the two. 

In that moment, despite everything whirring through the short blonde's head, she felt at peace. 

 _"...Thank you."_ Lapis muttered into Peridots shirt.


	11. Excuse me while I sing to the sky

_...Shouldn't I be happy that she's gone?_

_Maybe I took her for granted...._

_What if I gave her a second chance?_

_...Could it be possible for Steven to wake up early?_

_...Why is Peridot so attractive to me all of a sudden?_

These were the thoughts Lapis had in her bed at night, curled up against the wall as if Jasper were still next to her.

The Polaroid of Steven and Lapis hung solemnly above Lapis' head, a constant reminder that she had no one to turn to until Steven wakes up. 

Unless-- was Peridot was still awake?

 

* * *

 

  _Pleasepickupplaeasepickuppleasepickup..._

Lapis chewed away at her lip as the call tone mocked her, blaring in her ears as each ring convinced Lapis further that Peridot was asleep.

Her Stomach dropped when she heard Peridot pick up on the other end.

" _Lapis?_ Hey, uh, you okay?" Peridot's endearing, nasal voice crackled through the shotty speaker on Lapis' phone. 

"...I-- No." Lapis sighed. "I honestly don't know why I'm calling you, I just-- kinda wanted someone to talk to." 

"Well, its 10:46 PM on a Friday night, so if you wanna come over...? Or-- maybe I could go over there if you want, Or-" 

"Ill be over in twenty minutes." Lapis hung up the phone and bolted through the darkness to the light switch, flipping it on and finding an outfit that wasn't pj's and a sports bra.

She walked to Peridot's dorm in silence, the night ghost quiet, the buzzing of streetlights the only thing filling her ears as the cold air nipped at her freckled face. 

She pushed open the heavy wooden doors of the building and made her way up the staircase, checking her appearance in a window before faltering to Peridot's door and knocking on it hesitantly. 

The door instantly swung open, and Lapis did everything in her power not to faint at the sight of the short blonde. 

Peridot was in a plain green t-shirt and black and white- checkered pajama pants. Her emerald eyes never failed to steal Lapis' breath away, even if she was used to seeing them, and her hair was, as the bluenette predicted, a frizzy mess of gold that want in all directions, nearly covering Peridot's left eye. 

"H...Hey Lapis," Peridot gestured inside. "You can come in." 

Lapis shuffled over to Peridot's messy desk, covered in blueprints, homework, and textbooks, and plopped herself down on the chair as Peridot fell onto her bed. 

 _"Alexa,"_ Peridot said suddenly. "Play edgy music." 

Lapis laughed with a snort. "You have an _Alexa?_ " 

Peridot sat up. "Yeah! I even wired it yesterday to only respond to my voice!" 

Just as Lapis was about to open her mouth and respond, quickly-paced ukulele chords filled her ears, and she instantly recognized it as her favorite song, "We dont believe what's on TV," by 21 pilots.

Lapis sung her heart out, leaning back on Peridot's chair when suddenly it was as if her entire world was changed in mere seconds. 

 _"...I used to say I wanna die before I'm old, but because of you I might think twice..."_  

Lapis' eyes locked with Peridot's emerald as the bluenette sung the line, her voice shrinking with each syllable. 

What Lapis saw looking back at her was a flustering, timid Peridot, her cheeks shaded a deep red and her eyes wide, her soft looking lips parted slightly.

Lapis' voice faltered further as blood rushed to her cheeks and her hands nervously wedged their way between her thighs.

 _Wow, Peridot looks pretty right now..._ Was all Lapis could think as she made her way over to the blonde, her pulse hammering in her ears and her heart pounding out of her chest as her stomach dropped. 

 _Is this really happening?_ Lapis thought as Peridot gently raised her small hand to brush some hair out of the bluenette's eye. 

As if Peridot could read minds, she glanced at Lapis, silently asking for permission. 

Lapis let out a shaky, "Yeah." As her lips _finally_ found Peridot's, sending Lapis' heart into her throat as she deepened the kiss, picking up the faint taste of bubblegum on Peridot's hesitant but curious lips.

When Peridot deepened the kiss on her end, Lapis basically _Melted_ into Peridot, wrapping her arms around the short blonde and bringing their bodies closer, as Peridot traced circles into Lapis' back. 

Lapis couldn't help but think that this was where she belonged as the Blonde pulled away, her emerald eyes filled to the brim with bright stars. 

 

 


	12. Don't ever stop looking at me like that

Peridot's leg felt weak, her breath shaky and sporadic, her cheeks on fire, her pulse hammering in her ears as her heart jumped to her throat, and her stomach was filling to the brim with butterflies.

Peridot would think that these symptoms were the result of an anxiety attack, she had had them before, but this time was  _different._  

She had just kissed Lapis Lazuli.

Peridot had kissed someone before, her girlfriend from high school, but nothing could compare to this. 

When She pulled away, Peridot had never been so star-stricken in all her life.

She couldn't speak, she couldn't move, all she could do to calm her pounding heart rate was gaze into the bluenette's deep, caramel eyes in amazement. 

She raised a small, shaky hand to her lips as if to check if she wasn't dreaming, and sure enough, that had really happened. 

"...Lapis, I..." Peridot faltered. "That was..." 

"Amazing?" Lapis panted, her breath still shaky and wavering, her lips parted. "Was... was that your first kiss?"  

Peridot nodded. "Basically..." 

Just as Lapis moved to sit back down in her chair, Peridot grabbed her waist desperately. "--Wait!" She looked to the floor and back up at Lapis. "...Could...you do that again?"

In that moment, Lapis gave her a look that sent goosebumps erupting across Peridot's skin. 

Her lips parted slightly, her eyes wide, galaxies of freckles somehow highlighted by the blush spread across her cheeks, she gazed into Peridot's eyes, stealing her breath away as quick as it came. 

 _Oh. My. Stars. Don't ever stop looking at me like that..._ Thought the blonde as Lapis ripped off her jacket and gently pushed Peridot so her back was on her bed. 

Lapis loomed over Peridot, and with one glance at Lapis' gaze, she felt every muscle in her body relax as her head became clear once more. 

Lapis' lips came crashing down onto the blonde's, and Peridot had never felt this much dopamine rushing through her brain then at this moment. 

Lapis had taken her jacket off, so her short sleeved crop top allowed for Peridot to feel Lapis' smooth, freckled skin on her own as Peridot mindlessly curled her lower back upwards, into Lapis' midriff. 

As Peridot curled the fabric of the bluenette's shirt with her fingers, she deepened the kiss, surprising herself with her tenacity. She faintly tasted some kind of candy on the bluenette's lips, and Peridot _swore_ she was about to be pushed over the edge just by this alone.  

She began to squirm a little bit under Lapis, feeling fingers digging into her hair. 

And then suddenly, Lapis got up. She heard a phone ringing on the desk and saw Lapis scrambling to pick it up. 

_Well, thanks for the hottest make out session of my life..._

Peridot was left a mess, her glasses tilted, splayed out across her bed, her hair frizzy and sporadic, gasping for air, a knot of arousal pulling at her gut as Lapis picked up her phone. 

Lapis put the phone on speaker and set it down on the desk.

Dr. Maheswaran's voice filtered through the speaker. "H-Hello?"

"Dr. Maheswaran!" Lapis jeered. "Is Steven okay?"

Peridot heard a sly chuckle on the other end. "Yes, he's actually doing better than expected! I'm only calling to tell you that he is awake and ready for visitors."

She watched Lapis pump a fist in the air and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much! I'll be there as soon as I can." 

Lapis hung up the phone and turned to Peridot, still a mess on her own bed. 

Lapis smirked down at the disheveled blonde. "Making out does wonders for you, huh?" She chuckled. 

"Oh stop, you should go fix your hair too if we're going to see Steven." Peridot retorted. 

* * *

 Peridot and Lapis were now walking to the train station side by side, the moonlit streets bustling with Friday night antics, the streetlights emitting their familiar hum. 

"So..." Lapis stumbled. "Was that fun? Making out?" 

Peridot tensed. " _Guh..._  I mean... I uhm...I don't know--" 

Lapis put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "It's okay, you don't have to answer that." 

Peridot sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just-- I-I've always found it pretty difficult to express my emotions properly. Or at least...ever since high school." 

"Nothing happened in high school that made it like that, right?" Lapis asked, concern written all over her freckled tan face. 

"No, not really...It just kinda...well, gradually happened." Peridot lied, her left lower leg feeling a lot more fake than usual. 

They boarded the train to the east side and plopped down on the back seats, hands awkwardly close in proximity but somehow still too hesitant to touch. It was ridiculous really, Peridot had just _made out_ with the girl sitting next to her and she still couldn't do as much as hold hands. 

"I get how you feel." Lapis said suddenly. "Being alone makes it hard to open up to people, 'cuz you get so used to lying to yourself that you lie to other people, and then the cycle continues."

Peridot was a little amazed how well the Bluenette pinpointed what she was feeling, causing her to fall into silent consideration.

"Peridot?" Lapis' soft, implying voice snapped Peridot out of her self-deprecating thoughts. "Can I ask you something that you don't have to answer?" 

"Yeah, sure." Peridot worriedly looked up into Lapis' smooth hazel eyes, filled with a nervous sansation she couldn't describe. 

"I know we've been friends for maybe a month now... And I know we're not all that close, but I... I want to get closer, if that makes any sense. Maybe asking this on a train isn't the best way to do it, but..."

Lapis took a deep breath. 

"...Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

 


	13. I don't know how

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, just detailing Peridot's response. Sorry it took so long!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Edit- 
> 
> So, obviously I haven't been posting recently. As much as I'd love to make the excuse of "My life's been busy", it really hasn't. 
> 
> I haven't been feeling very inspired to write this story the past month because I hit a really bad writers block after the last chapter I posted. 
> 
> On top of that, I got into a new fandom, (Kimi no na wa./ Your name.) and I've been dedicating my time recently to a fic for that. (If you wanna check that out it's called 'Somewhere furthest from goodbye'! But watch the movie first or you won't understand a thing!) 
> 
> For anyone still following this fic, or hoping for a new chapter, don't lose hope! I'm still very much obsessed with Steven universe and very proud of the story I'm writing, but right now I'm just investing my writing time into kimi no na wa. I do want to write more of this story, and if you have any ideas, don't hesitate to tell me! I want to post another chapter of this by the end of the month, so stay tuned! 
> 
> Thanks for all your patience, Jax<3

Peridot had always been someone who is torn between her heart and her head.

Her head was what she usually sided with. She was a nerd after all. For as long as she could remember, Peridot based her decisions off of what seemed logical, efficient, or  _safe._  

Despite being a successful straight A student since elementary school, she never really stepped outside her comfort zone, even before her incident.

Peridot often was hit with the feeling of emptiness, like she wasn't anything but an information sponge, destined to do nothing special with her life but achieve a squeaky clean education. 

In Peridots mind, it wasn't what she wanted to do, it's what she  _had_ to do to be successful in life. 

At least, that's what her mom, Yellow Diamond had told her. 

Peridot knew deep down she wanted to do more. She didn't want to be a perfect student with a beige personality, she didn't want to be a socially repressed nerd.

She wanted to live life, have a girl who loves her for what she is, go on road trips, try new things, and genuinely enjoy the life she has knowing that it's where she wanted to be.

Call it a closed mindset, but the short blonde knew it was impossible. 

But then someone challenged all of that with a question that sent goosebumps erupting up Peridot's skin.

_"...Do you want to be my girlfriend?"_

Peridot was stuck. The words _"Oh my stars, yes, I want to kiss you until I can't breathe!"_ Wedged in her throat, she shrunk her knees into her small frame and sighed.

The words in her throat began to sting and Peridot gulped down the lump in her throat. 

"...I-- uhm..." Peridot stumbled. "...I wanna say yes, but... to be honest, I have no clue _how_..." Peridot admitted sheepishly. 

A stray tear descended down the blonde's face. 

"I know that sounds silly, but... I genuinely don't know how to create _any kind_ of relationship with anyone, nevermind a romantic one..." 

Lapis put a caring hand on Peridot's shoulder. 

"I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with, and if that means letting you figure yourself out first, then that's what I'll do. But I... I do want you to know that... well-- I think I'm in love with you..." 

Peridot tried not to let herself faint hearing the words coming from the beautiful bluenette's mouth. 

"...Can we uhm-- Still hang out? You've been really good to me since we met, a-and I don't want to lose that." Peridot squeaked. 

Understanding seemed to flash in the caramel eyes of Lapis Lazuli, and she nodded her head and hmm'ed in approval. 

 

 

 


	14. Find A Penny, Pick It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter because I need time to work out this writer's block, lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya boi is back at it again!!  
> It's been a very long time since I've updated this fic, and I'm sure many of you have already abandoned it. But for the few that are left, thank you, thank you, for being so patient.  
> I stopped writing this because I was stolen by another fandom, then another.  
> I completed a work I'm definitely the most proud of, "Somewhere Furthest From Goodbye" A fic about the anime movie "your name." By Makoto Shinkai, and I'm now working on a new fic with a close friend called, "The Best Laid Plans" An OC driven story set in the universe of "Avatar: The legend of Korra/The last Airbender" (I'd appreciate it if you checked those out!)  
> I recently looked back on some of my older works, and when I re-read this one, something snapped. I had to continue it. (I'm so, so sorry I left it on a cliffhanger!)  
> So, that's exactly what I'll do. I don't care if I'm working on two fics at once now, I feel pretty inspired to write this story again.  
> Please forgive my sporadic update schedule, It's like this with all my works, especially when I hit writer's block.  
> (Note: Due to gained experience in writing, the quality of this work is going to change drastically from this chapter on, and the tone may shift a little too.)

_Cherished warmth. Sunshine. A small bridge over a pond._

_"Lapis, no! Don't touch the poison ivy!"_

_Lapis' dad scooped up the small, brown-haired girl in his arms, pointing a finger at her. "That will hurt you. Do you want to be all itchy?"_

_Lapis sighed. "No, I was just trying to find some bugs!"_

_"Why don't you look where the leaves aren't? -That's the most fertile soil."_

_"Really?!" Lapis' eyes glistened. "Let's go!"_

_~~~~~_

_..!_

"-Lapis? ...You okay?" Peridot asked. 

Lapis massaged her forehead. "Y-yeah. Just a bad dream is all." 

"-Well, maybe don't fall asleep on a train next time." 

A sigh escaped Lapis' lungs. "Sorry. Just pretty tired, is all." 

"You're 'tellin me..." Peridot hmm'ed in approval. 

The nighttime train rumbled and squeaked as Lapis and Peridot anxiously awaited their arrival at beach city hospital. 

 _What kind of condition will he even be in?_ Lapis pondered.  _The doctor only said he's awake and stable... That could mean a lot of things..._

"Well, assuming Dr. Maheswaran said he's also ready for visitors, he's definitely stable enough to hold a conversation." Peridot said. 

"Wha--  _How did you--"_

"-You were thinking out loud." Peridot cut Lapis off. "I do that too, It's okay." 

 

* * *

 

 

Kindness. Care. Love.

These were things that Lapis hadn't received from another person in a long, long time. These were things Peridot had shown her without question or hesitation. 

She knew deep down from the moment she had cried into Peridot's shoulder at the cliffside. She had fallen  _deep and deeper,_ and  _way too fast._

No matter how she felt about it, these were real feelings woven inside her, whether they had come blisteringly fast or not. 

She instantly regretted admitting it on the train. It was  _far_ too much to put on someone who had, one, just denied her, and two, was still figuring out her own emotions. Not to mention how  _broken_ Peridot seemed. 

Lapis wasn't blind. She could tell there was something that troubled the blonde constantly, but from her own experience, she knew better than to press for answers. 

_How am I supposed to just forget about what happened, though? We made out. Kissed. A lot. I don't think I'll ever get that out of my head._

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. So I ran

Peridot was such an idiot. Such a dumb, stupid  _idiot._

_"I... I think I'm in love with you..."_

As Peridot scrutinized the ceiling of her dorm, golden locks splayed out across her pillow, heart clenching, she repeated the moments in her head. 

The look Lapis gave her when Peridot asked to be kissed,  _wanted,_ again. The little moans she got out of Lapis. The bluenette asking her to be her girlfriend, admitting she was in love with her. 

Seeing Steven and talking to him was a temporary distraction, a little bundle of light in all her swarming emotions. The boy, in contrast to his injuries, was energetic, happy, light, his grin always reaching his eyes. Peridot had no idea how he did it, but who was she to question it? At least he hadn't ended up like Peridot after her accident. 

But now, alone, victim to her own head, she had no distractions. She felt so, hopelessly inhibited. She had _literally_ passed up an opportunity to be with the girl she loved so dearly, all because of her stupid anxiety. 

When Lapis had said it, it came down like a crushing weight on her chest, and she was left breathless. 

 _"Lapis is in love with me."_ Peridot repeated to herself. "She loves me. And I...?" 

 _Did_ she love Lapis? 

 _Yes,_ Her heart whispered.  _Who else but her?_

This was her last thought before she threw the blankets off her small frame and sprinted through her door.

 

* * *

 

She ran. She ran with the desperation of a child running for their parents after their first day of school, her breath falling out of her in pieces. She ran, every thought, built-up emotion, and feeling whirring though her head at a thousand miles a minute. She ran to Lapis.

At long last, she reached Lapis' dorm, heaving, out of breath, but filled to the brim with purpose. She knocked. She waited. She didn't care it was nearly midnight. 

The wooden door swung open, revealing Lapis, wearing nothing but a sports bra and board shorts, her many freckles bordered by her colorful hair. Peridot momentarily forgot how to breathe before she remembered what she came here for. 

"P-Peridot? Are you okay?" Concern panged through the Hawaiians hazel eyes. 

" _LapisIloveyoutoo!"_ Peridot blurted, heat tingling up her face.

Lapis' eyes went wide. 

"I know what I said on the train, and it was true, but I'm so  _fucking_ done with letting my problems get in the way of how I feel, and I know  _exactly_ how I feel. So I'm retracting what I said on the train. I love you and that's not changing. Of course I'll be your girlfriend." 

Peridot blinked back a couple tears. 

"I know I have work to do, and by no means will I be the perfect partner,  _hell_ I might even be a burden, but I'm willing to try if you're willing to work with me. So please, Laz... If you'll have me." 

And suddenly there were freckled arms wrapped around her, and a beautiful face crying into her shoulder. 

 _"Thank you, thank you, thank you,"_ She sobbed. "I was so worried I'd pushed you away when I told you, I was so scared, holy  _fuck..._ " She gripped the blonde tighter. 

For awhile they simply stood there, embracing the other in the doorframe, before Lapis released her hold on her anchor. 

"I was gonna say..." Peridot wiped away a tear. "That look you gave me is kinda burned into my mind..." 

"What look?" The bluenette plopped onto her bed. 

"I..." Peridot stumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed. "When I asked you to kiss me again earlier, you gave me a look that basically sent me into  _orbit,_ then you ripped your jacket off."

"-Are you just asking me to kiss you again?" Lapis smirked. 

"Yeah." 

"Then get over here, nerd." 

 

* * *

 

Peridot woke up feeling something warm wrapped around her. As she opened her eyes, she almost panicked at the unfamiliar surroundings. 

But she cast her emerald gaze down, and she realized it was the bluenette, clinging to the short blonde with her arms wrapped around her midsection, her head nuzzled into Peridot's bra, colorful blue hair spilling over her chest. Peridot flustered wildly, realizing that they were both severely underdressed. 

Despite how  _new_ and  _exciting_ it all was, the feeling of Lapis' freckled skin against hers, the kisses, shouts and moans, Peridot couldn't help but bask in it. She couldn't remember a time where she had been so at peace in anyone's arms. 

 _"Mmh..."_ Lapis let out a small groan that muffled into Peridot's bra. 

"Lapis? -You awake?" Peridot grinned, "I think we should get up soon." 

Lapis turned so she was looking at Peridot, and as soon as Emerald met Hazel, they were gone bashfully, and Lapis sighed a groggy pout.

"S-Sorry if we rushed into things last night..." The bluenette murmured. 

Peridot flustered, the night flashing before her eyes and building pressure in her gut. "No, don't worry, I wanted to, it's just so... _new_ is all." 

"New?" 

"I didn't tell you that was my first time?"  

Lapis postured up with a smile. "Really?! I can't believe  _I_ took your v-card! And-- oh,  _holy shit,_ you bruise like a _peach_..." She said, inspecting the short blonde's neck with her index finger.

Lapis left goosebumps in the trail of her touch. "Wha _—_ uh oh, what do you mean?" 

"I mean that your neck is  _covered_ , Peri."

Peridot quickly fished for her phone under the pillow and opened her camera, pointing it at herself. 

_"Lapis— I swear to god I'm gonna—!"_

She was quickly cut off with a kiss.

 

 

 

 


	16. What about love is so hard?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These last couple chapters are basically tooth-rotting fluff with a sprinkle of angst.
> 
> Thanks for your patience! Honestly, working on two stories at once was harder than I expected, but I'm gonna get it done!
> 
> If you want to read my other story I'm working on, "The Best Laid Plans" then go check it out! Me and a close friend are writing it together, so it's a little different than my other stories. 
> 
> -Jax

"Okay, you can admit to me that you have a crush on that girl now," Lapis smirked, as Steven gazed at the door that had previously held a timid-looking Connie.

Steven flustered, "She changed her hair..." 

" _Damn,_ you're in deep." 

"A-Am _not!_ " Steven crossed his arm across his cast with a pout.

Lapis was currently sitting next to Stevens hospital bed, grey light pouring in through the windows.

Part of her was still flustered from last night, and she knew Steven could see the faint hickeys that dotted her neck. Lapis was happy _—_ but tense as her and the curly haired middle schooler talked idly over hot chocolate brought from the corner shop.

She hadn't told Steven about Peridot, let alone the reason why.

"So... has anything crazy happened while I've been gone?" 

Lapis froze. 

Seemingly all at once, the weight of the past few days came down like a hammer on the bluenette. She pressed her fingers into her temples. 

_"...Holy shit, I broke up with Jasper..."_

Steven nearly spat out his hot chocolate. "You _what?!_ " 

" _I—_ Uhm... S-she cheated," Lapis blurted.

The middleschooler's jaw nearly fell to the floor. 

"The night of your accident. I kicked her out the next morning, she barely argued..." The bluenette did everything she could to keep her voice from shaking. Talking about Jasper made her feel _so fragile._

Steven's eyes were wide and shaky, filled with pity and concern. "Lapis, I—I'm really sorry..." 

"It's okay! _Really_ , I _—_ " She gulped down the lump forming in her throat, " _It was gonna happen eventually..._ " 

A chubby hand made its way onto Lapis' shoulder. 

"For what it's worth— I'm glad your done with her, Lapis. It was easy to tell you weren't happy." 

Lapis downed the rest of her hot chocolate, the word  _happy_ springing Peridot to the forefront of her mind. 

"A-Actually, Steven, I wanted to tell you something..." She faltered, shrinking her shoulders in. "Me and Peridot... We're... _Kind of_ a thing? Couple? I think...?" 

Steven's eyes sprang to life, and he laughed, "No way!! Finally! I  _knew_ you liked her, I knew it right when she walked into that coffee shop!" 

Lapis chuckled bashfully, "Yep...  _uh..._ 'Parrently she feels the same way, which is good..." 

The smile ran away from the boys face. "Lapis, for someone who just got into a relationship... you don't sound very happy." 

 _"I don't know!"_ Lapis threw her hands up, admitting defeat. "I  _am_ happy! Really, _really_ happy, I got to wake up with her in my _arms_ for christ's sake! I'm just so...  _worried_ that we rushed into things, that we barely know each other, that I'll let my past take over right when everything is supposed to be perfect..." She laughed caustically at herself, finally darting her eyes at Steven's dark brown, " _Hell,_ I just broke up with an abusive girlfriend of _three years!_ you expect me to know how to _love_ her?" 

Lapis realized the words that came out of her mouth right as she finished, and her hands came up to her face instantly. 

"S-She was abusive?" 

The bluenette kept her hands over her mouth. 

_"All those bruises weren't hickeys?"_

"N—No..." She got out.

"I..." Steven suddenly faltered, and it hit Lapis hard, seeing the boy she cared for so much carefully choose his next words, as if anything he said could shatter the hawaiian like a flower vase. 

_Fragile, fragile, fragile._

"...I can't say I know what you felt, because I didn't, but— I understand why you wouldn't tell anyone. I hate it when everyone's worried over me, sometimes I feel like they're wasting their time..." 

"—They're not!" Lapis blurted, "You deserve it, that's the difference..." 

 _"Deserve it?"_ Steven laughed dryly, "You deserve it more than  _anyone!_ You've struggled and fought your way through your life since  _who knows_ how long, you dealt with an abusive relationship for _three years_ , part of which was spent pining over _someone else,_ and you've shown nothing but kindness to me, Peridot, my Parents, and more! Give me an actual reason why you  _don't_ deserve it, and I'll shut up." 

Lapis opened her mouth to say,  _I caused my dad to run away, my mom to hurt me, and led Peridot on while I had a girlfriend,_ But instead, she could only let out a weak, "Uhm..." 

"Exactly, Lapis." 

 

* * *

 

The last relationship Peridot had been in, she crashed her bicycle into a speeding car, and never spoke to the girl again. That's how she lost her leg— And her social skills. 

From what she could remember, she was shorter, though not as short as Peridot, with auburn red hair and grey eyes. They had kissed, once, and Peridot had pulled away early, shocked at the soft touch on her lips.  

But she wasn't pulling away from Lapis; no way, no how. 

They were currently making out on Lapis' bed, filling every empty space between their bodies. Lapis was wearing a crop top— something that still still gave Peridot goosebumps when she thought about it— so she could feel Hawaiian's midriff pressing into hers from above her, flustering her senseless.

She still didn't have a _clue_ about this relationship thing, but  _dammit_ if she wasn't 'gonna try. 

It still scared her to no end, though. 

Peridot was terrified of disappointing Lapis. After all she'd been through with Jasper, she was probably expecting something grand, not to mention,  _what if I try too hard, and then she does the same thing, and this whole relationship ends up being one big game of 'hey, look at my affection!'_

But for the time being, Peridot felt safe and careless, wrapped around Lapis from under her like a koala, _definitely_  paying attention to the clock that told her it was time to go to class. 

She felt a nip on her neck, and a freckled hand looming on her upper thigh, and arousal clenched in her gut so hard it  _hurt_. 

 _"Lapis—"_ Peridot managed, her breath falling out of her in pieces, "I-I have class..." 

Lapis begrudgingly peeled herself off of the flustered blonde, her own freckled cheeks shaded deep shades of red. "I'm only stopping 'cuz you care about that lecture for some reason," She smirked down at Peridot, still trapped between her thighs. 

"Astronomy is something I'm passionate about, yes." 

They both cooled down and gathered their things in comfortable silence.

"You're coming to an  _astronomy lecture?_ " Peridot gawked as Lapis followed her out the door. 

Lapis laughed, "Ah, yes,  _astronomy,_ my favorite subject," She said caustically. "No, of course not, I'm walking you there." 

Peridot finally gathered the courage to hold Lapis' hand on the way out of the dorm building, and Lapis looked down at their interlaced fingers and smiled. 

"Hey, Lapis...?" Peridot asked timidly, "Before you go back, I wanna tell you something." 

Lapis tilted her head. 

"I know I said this when I uh—  _confessed_ to you, but... I'm not experienced with having friends, let alone a girlfriend, so I don't really know what I'm doing? Like, I know how to hug and kiss and... _other_ things along those lines, but the emotional part... I don't know. So I'm just asking you to be..." She faltered, her stride slowing to a stop, " _Patient_ with me. It's going to take time for me to really adapt to this, and I don't want to disappoint you." 

Of all the things Lapis could do in that moment, she smiled. "Peri, you nerd..." She chuckled, "Of _course_ I'll be patient. There's no right way to do this, it kinda just happens. I'll love you in whatever way you need me to, okay?" She assured with a squeeze of Peridot's hand, "You've got me, and I've got you. That's all we really need to make this work." 

Saying those words herself lifted a weight off of Lapis' shoulders. 

Peridot smiled back. "Okay. I'll come back to your dorm after class." 

Lapis gave Peridot a lingering kiss, and sneaked a squeeze of her waist, sending the blonde into disarray. 

"Maybe then we can finish what we started," She smirked, feeling a knot of arousal in her own stomach. "Love you!" 

"L-Love you too..." 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, and Constructive Criticism is always appreciated!


	17. Resurfacing

 Lapis swore she could stay like this forever, wrapped in pale, desperate limbs, hickeys dotting her bare neck as her eyes slowly opened.

Waking up in Peridot's arms; she could get used to it.

The short blonde's sunkissed hair swept across her pillow, locks of gold draped across the cushion, in total disarray. Peridot's face seemed so relaxed and vulnerable as she slept, and Lapis sighed a content pout as she carefully unraveled herself from the blonde, with the intent of fixing breakfast before Peridot woke up. 

She chuckled to herself as she put on her bra and a pair of boxers, remembering tossing them to the floor last night.

 

_"So... It's Friday night. Anything fun in mind?"_

_"I think I have an idea,"_

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_Lapis grinned, "Come find out."_

 

 She wiggled her way into some undersized sweatpants—Peridot's—and threw on her pastel blue NASA sweater, and as she plucked her phone from the nightstand and made for the door, her heart nearly shattered. 

Peridot's emerald orbs were only barely visible through her sleep-ridden eyelids, but Lapis could see the sadness in them as the blonde absentmindedly pawed at the bedsheets where Lapis was supposed to be, visibly frowning. 

Lapis had to keep a noise in her throat down at the sight. 

"Hey, mornin' nerd," Lapis made her way to the edge of the bed and let her thumb trace Peridot's jaw briefly. "I'll be back, I'm gonna grab breakfast for us." 

 _"You better be back,"_ Peridot pouted into her pillow. That was all she said before her eyes fell closed and she started to breathe softly again.

Lapis felt her face about to split open from the grin plastered to it as she padded down the stairs and to the community kitchen, which only had a couple students fixing their own breakfast. 

The bluenette went about making eggs and french toast as best she could—she was never great at cooking— but after a while, she was walking up the stairs with two plates in hand and a smile. 

 _"Periii..."_ Lapis cooed as she butted the door open with her freckled shoulder, "C'mon, wake up or I'll eat it all myself." 

 _"I'm awake,"_ Peridot sat up and rubbed at an eye. 

Lapis wasn't looking at her eyes though— the blanket fell off Peridot's shoulders, exposing her bare, hickey-dotted chest. For a moment, even though she had seen this before, Lapis forgot to breathe. 

The blonde pulled the comforter up to her chin in a flash, and Lapis chuckled, "It's nothing I haven't seen before." 

Peridot's cheeks turned pink, "Well  _you're_ changed..." 

Lapis smiled—something she realized she'd been doing a _lot_ more of recently—and set the two plates of food on the desk. When she looked behind her again, Peridot was wrestling her way into a sports bra and green sweatpants. 

"Y'know, that metal leg of yours never fails to make me think you're a robot," Lapis grinned. 

 _"It's a prosthetic,"_ Peridot corrected, "and trust me, I wish I was." 

Peridot's leg was still a topic that hung above their heads whenever the two were silent, though it didn't create any tension, only curiosity. Lapis had discovered it the first time they slept together, and Peridot would've told her beforehand, but the lips connected to her neck pulled her into a lustful haze that made her forget where she  _was,_ let alone what her own limbs were made of. 

The blonde never got into why, telling Lapis that she would tell her when she was ready, and the bluenette accepted it and placed her lips over Peridot's once more. 

Peridot shuffled over to the desk and picked up her plate, bowing to Lapis sarcastically, but also gratefully. "Thanks for the food." 

"Anytime. Warning though; I'm not a good cook." 

"I think this french toast is telling me the opposite," Peridot grinned in between bites. 

Lapis rolled her eyes, her lips pressed into a crooked smile. "Well at least I did something right," 

"—You do a lot of things right, don't say that." 

The bluenette averted Peridot's support, "Yeah, I can tell by all the hickeys on your neck and the fact that your hair looks like a mane." 

Peridot gave Lapis a fiery glance up from her food and put the plate down, rushing to the mirror next to the window. 

 _"Lapis—_ oh my _stars_ , that's a lot of bruises..." Peridot gasped, a lustful glint in her eyes.

The bluenette winked. "'Not my fault you bruise like a peach. Tackle me when you feel like getting more,"  

Peridot looked as if she was pondering for a moment, then walked away from the mirror and towards Lapis. "Hey, put your food down for a sec, and stand up." 

Lapis raised an eyebrow, but obliged. 

—And suddenly she was being tackled into Peridot's bed. 

  

* * *

 

Getting lost in a part of town she had no idea how to navigate wasn't Peridot's original plan when she came into town to go grocery shopping, but here she was. 

The alleyway she was in wasn't particularly shady, but the brick apartments that made up the walls gave the alley an ominous vibe, like something out of a detective film. 

Due to this, the short blonde suddenly got a bad feeling about where she was, and simultaneously gave up on finding the nearest bus stop and pulled out her phone to order an uber. 

She had always hated ubers and taxis, mostly because being seated in a car with a stranger who just so happens to be driving you around, wasn't fun, let alone that she didn't know how to start conversations anyway. 

The fare back to her dorm was over twelve dollars, but at this point she had been lost too long for her liking, and was starting to get pretty irritated, so she begrudgingly hit 'accept' and slid down the wall until she was hugging her knees. 

A couple minutes later, a grey toyota prius was pulling up towards the alleyway. 

Peridot opened the back door of the car and put her paper grocery bag on the seat, saying her hello's and thank you's to the driver she didn't even bother to glance at as she plopped into the seat and buckled her seatbelt. 

_"...Peridot?"_

The driver's words barely sounded from her lips, and Peridot thought she was hearing things before she looked up and saw her mouth agape, eyes wide, and eyebrows raised. The girl had red-auburn hair and light grey eyes. 

And suddenly she realized why this girl looked so surprised to see her. 

_"H-Holy shit, Pema—!"_

_"_ How... How are you here? You're dead," Pema said, "You  _died."_

The auburn haired girl's eyes were starting to well up, and Peridot had never felt so small in her life. 

"I heard you got in an accident and I— I tried calling you so many times, I didn't know what hospital you were in so I thought... Peridot,  _I thought you died!_ I've spent the last  _four years_ of my life thinking you were _dead!_ Why did you _never_ contact me?!" 

"I'm sorry!" Peridot blurted, "I just... I... didn't know how to approach you after what happened and—" 

" _Didn't know how?!"_ Pema scoffed, "How about telling me you're  _okay!_ We had something and then you were just  _gone!_ I was never mad, because I had no idea you were even  _alive,_ but now I am! How could you not even  _text me_ _!_ You don't have a  _clue_ _how_ much I went through after what happened!" 

"Look, I know I messed up, but I want to fix things if I can, just let me explain—" 

"You had four years to do that," The redhead's voice was suddenly void of anger, replaced by a husky, cold tone. "Get out of my car. I'll bill your money back." 

"Pema,  _please—"_

"I said get out!" 

Minutes later, Peridot was hugging her knees close in the alleyway, her breath falling out of her in pieces, and eyes leaking tears she couldn't stop. She texted Lapis. 

**[Peridot: im lost in town and i need help]**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, and Constructive Criticism is always appreciated!


End file.
